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Family Business: Don't Make the In-Laws Feel Like Outsiders
1 Aug, 2008 By: Lloyd Merritt Smigel Pest Management ProfessionalMy wife's family refers to the in-laws as the outlaws. But that doesn't offend me at all. Why? Because my family refers to in-laws as "those strangers." They also continue to remind me that "those strangers are not blood." We're a sensitive family.
 Lloyd Merritt Smigel |
Sometimes, as a stranger or outlaw, you're proud not to be part of that family. But let's not go there, as my wife may read this column.
As an in-law, you may often feel like the outsider. Often that's because you sort of are an outsider. Being in business as an in-law can create additional problems on both sides of the fence.
Case in Point
"Jake" works with his wife and her sister in her parents' company. All are nice people. Jake is doing a great job running the service end of the business. But when it comes to stock and turning over the company — what to do, what to do?
 Top 10 Reasons to Say 'I'm Outta Here' |
As the hypothetical owner of this business, if I gave equal shares to my two daughters and Jake (whom I genuinely like) and a few years from now there's a divorce — then what?
Fortunately, in this case, Jake is smart enough to figure out if he doesn't get the stock, his kids will — and that's fine with him. But you can see the dilemma.
Being an in-law can be a blessing, but too often, those family business meetings are hell. Unfortunately, most family-owned companies don't have formal family business meetings. They should.
Up for discussion is the future of the company. Think about it: How can you not have these meetings? They should be held at least twice a year.
Discuss what's going well, what's not and what you're going to do about it. Also discuss growth, profit and future plans.
Being an in-law means you have to fight many battles. In the owners' defense, they don't want to just give out all of that authority and information to someone who may be leaving the family and/or the owner really isn't sure about what he is doing and/or how it's done. That's not unusual. Many owners have attained a good living by working hard and running the company by the seat of their pants.
As time moves on, so do the challenges of working with the next generation. If certain members of that generation are not blood, they're likely to ask questions because they were not brought up in the culture of that family. It's all about knowing when to ask what type of questions. The kids know what is off limits; that has been established over the years. Now the in-law comes in and, as far as he or she is concerned, there are no limits.
Personally, I love that. It makes us rethink our strategies.
Being an in-law could bring new depth and insight into a business.
You can reach Smigel, president of Care Management Consultants, at 888-711-3232 or by e-mailing
becky@lloyd-smigel.com.
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