Whit’s World: Sins of the Father

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March 26, 2015

Marty and Jamie Whitford

Marty and Jamie Whitford

Sometimes others serve as my mirror, my portal to change.

My bride of 22 years does a good job letting me know when I’m falling short — when I’m thinking, saying or doing things I shouldn’t … or when I’m not thinking, saying or doing things I should. But that’s OK. It’s one of the many reasons I married her. Bridgid makes me a better husband, dad, son, brother, uncle, friend and coworker.

Sometimes our three children help me see myself better. Sometimes they do it by sharing a critical, but fair look or line. Sometimes they do it by proving these three apples didn’t fall far from the tree.

Recently, Bridgid and I met with teachers to develop an Individualized Education Program (IEP) for our son Jamie, who has Down syndrome. An “Evaluation Team Report” served as the springboard for the meeting. The report included gems such as:

⦁ “Jamie considers himself a movie critic, food connoisseur and superhero expert.”

⦁ “After graduation, Jamie wants to continue living at home with his family. He doesn’t want to give up family dinners at local restaurants, and he wants to continue going to the movies with his dad and brother.”

⦁ “Jamie’s career goal is ‘to be a scientist or lawyer … or to have a lemonade stand.’”

Despite Jamie’s stated career goals, his teachers agreed he’s well grounded and self-aware. They report he readily admits his weaknesses, such as being slow to transition and sometimes challenged by math, and is committed to working on his shortcomings.

The meeting was going great until we got to the end of the report, which read: “Jamie believes he is blessed with a great sense of humor, acquired from his father. Jamie does have a wonderful sense of humor. But at times, his humor crosses the line. He also likes to insert humorous comments that sometimes confuse his listeners because they don’t have the same level of shared information. Jamie needs to develop a filter and use his humor at appropriate times.”

Words cannot describe the look Bridgid shot me as this “growth opportunity” was presented. Suffice it to say, his teachers saw “the look,” and one asked, “What’s wrong?”

“That last one is all on Marty,” Bridgid said. “It has nothing to do with Jamie having an extra chromosome.”

Everyone laughed. I did, too, adding: “Guilty as charged. I guess it’s something for Jamie and me to work on together.”

Self-inventory: Check. Liability identified: Check. Solution proposed: I need to THINK, to ask myself five questions, before engaging my mouth:

Is it True?

Is it Helpful?

Is it Inspiring?

Is it Necessary?

Is it Kind?

Until we meet again next month on this back page, let’s all try to THINK before we speak

You can reach Marty Whitford at mwhitford@northcoastmedia.net.

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