Off the Cuff: Open Letter to a Certain Orlando Theme Park


October 15, 2014

To Whom It May Concern:

You guys run a pretty tight ship, so I’m guessing you knew we were coming, but I’m not sure you know exactly who we are.

PestWorld probably sounds like a fairly benign concept, like something your omnipresent mascot and spokesmouse would enjoy partaking in. Similarly, the National Pest Management Association (NPMA) might not mean what he thinks it means. It never occurred to us until now, it could be mistaken for an organization for rodents who have ascended the corporate ladder to management positions. A Mouse Club if you will. Be warned — that assumption would be wrong.

Most of the world can identify your big cheese from his giant-eared silhouette alone, but I’m afraid I can’t vouch for everyone attending NPMA’s PestWorld. You see, the sight of a 6-foot rodent (smiling or not) could be a shock to less pop culture-savvy attendants of PestWorld. Wearing human clothes, which I’m aware he does from time to time, will not, in fact, help him blend in. Therefore, in good conscious we must warn said giant rodent that if he visits PestWorld, he might find himself in grave danger. (This goes for his bow-wearing girlfriend too.)

This isn’t to say your mascoteer isn’t welcome at PestWorld, but it’s worth noting pest management means something different to him than it does to us. (Please ask him to Google NPMA before doing anything he might regret — like taking a stroll around the exhibit floor.) He might see things that shock him. If he’s looking for nightmare fuel, PestWorld should do the trick. This doesn’t necessarily apply to your other b-level mascots. For example: anthropomorphic ducks in sailor suits? Totally welcome! 

You’ve been gracious enough to host PestWorld this year, so we thought it our duty, as one mouthpiece for the industry, to give you the low-down. Why? Because we like you!

You can reach Nepper at or 216-706-3775.


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